Sofia Ashley is the founder of The Happy Vagina Project. It began over 5 years ago when Sofia went on a journey to find “the grand orgasm” and make peace with her vagina. She basically learned through all of that that her vagina is a huge part of her and so is her sexuality. She could either be at war with her vagina or honor her and her wisdom and what she was trying to tell her. What has happened as a result is better sex, more fulfillment in work and parenting and feeling more like herself in general.
That is the mission of The Happy Vagina Project. She works mostly with Mamas around reclaiming their sex lives and sexuality.
I ask Sofia:
What drew you into this work and led you to this?
What changes happen when we have children? Talking about our relationships and our sexuality is something we don’t talk enough about!
How can working with our body and our cycle instead of against it help?
How does your identity change as you become a parent?
How often should we be having sex? Is everyone having more sex than me?
“There’s just a lot going on and a lot shifting for us and our partner [through birth/postpartum]. Our libido and our sexuality is totally tied to our bodies, our emotions, our sense of self and to the safety and security and happiness that we have in our relationship, so when all those things are shifting, you better bet your sex life and what it looks like is shifting as well.”
Why is our relationship still so important during the postpartum period?
“We have this attachment to sex being spontaneous in order to be sexy. And what I say is, if you’re trying to get naked at the end of a long day when you’re both exhausted and you’re like “hey libido, I need you to show up now!” She ain’t gonna show up. But if you schedule a party and you lay the framework and make sure that all of her favorite foods are there and her favorite music is playing and there’s no distractions, she will turn on for you, more than likely when you do that. Create a party that your libido actually wants to show up to. Also, get a door lock.
What does scheduling sex look like?
Why is our relationship with yourself extra important during the postpartum period (and beyond)?
“We forget that our brains are one of our biggest sex organs.”
Tell us about your new series “Your Sex Life After Kids.”
It’s a free mini series you can find here.
You also need to check out Naked Sexy Fun Time Play Book which is a step-by-step guide book for scheduling sex that is going to work.
Sofia, how do you like to manage your period?
My heating pad for my neck, not my body for horrible period migraines. Something new to me since motherhood is learning to honor when my body and vagina need rest while I menstruate.
Find Sofia at: