BLOG

THE VAGINA BLOG PODCAST EPISODE 10: Intimate Portraits and Removing Barriers with Jen Fairchild

Jen has loved photography since she was a child. She is fascinated by the humanity in it. After feeling overwhelmingly inspired she bought her first dslr and began a 10 year journey learning about photography and working as a photographer. Photography shapes how we see the world. She has worked in fashion photography, families and nude work and believes that women are the most beautiful creatures to photograph. Jen has stared an Intimate Portrait Project and she’s here to tell us about it!

What inspired you to start this Intimate Portrait Project?

While working with a videographer to create a video of my work, we needed a model for my nude work. I put an ad on Instagram that said ‘Free Boudoir Session’ and I said ‘Must apply via email. Must send an unedited headshot. Must include a bit about your current relationship with your body.’ That wasn’t premeditated at all, but as it was coming it was like “yeah, okay, I’m just going to ask for this and we’ll see what happens.” I ended up getting 35 submissions, which blew me away – I only needed one. And then I started reading through them and started sobbing at the level of depth these women were sharing. Just the experience of seeing their raw, beautiful faces and then their stories, I saw myself in every single one of them and the power of that was just otherworldly.

I realized after reading all of this that this was a bigger project than just using one model for a promo shoot. I had to think through and talk through what this could be and how. It moved very quickly. I started setting up the dates and places for everyone to come not even fully knowing what this was going to turn into.

What has been your experience as you’ve been photographing this? And what has the experience been for the models? Was this empowering?

We have so closely linked nudity with pornography and I have to explain often that those are 2 different things and this project is not pornography.

Shooting so many people in such a short amount of time was so draining. Especially because I was holding space. I was so grateful for these women all showing up and being a part of it. I as hearing things like “No one has seen me this nude other than my Mother” or “My husband hasn’t seen me this naked in this much light.” And the response was amazing – so many said “Oh I feel like I can just breathe!”

Being nude is such an interesting path to our fundamental selves. Being photographed nude can be a life changing experience and an opportunity to embrace a part of ourselves that we maybe haven’t before.

I’m so curious why we’ve all convinced ourselves that we’re not good enough. If we go all the way back to a primal level, we’re visual beings first. The job of the intellect is to discriminate first, so if we see someone in a position of power and we don’t look like them, we immediately subconsciously believe we are less-than. This is why diversity in media is so important.

There are no barriers to this project. You just have to sign up, that’s all.

There are so many different body types and we only see 2 in the media! Everyone is so different, no two vaginas are the same. No two breasts are the same.

It’s exciting to see some of the new diversity too.

What has been your response to this project?

I opened up sign-ups to 100 women first. I gave myself a month and a half to fill up the spots and within 1 week we had all the spots filled. I was blown away. There have been so many women that have come forward to volunteer their time to help make this happen. The outpouring of voluntary help really validated the path that I was on and the vision that I had for it.

How is it all going to work?

I’ve made this a non-profit and the goal is to travel around the world. I want to shine a light on women and bodies and widen the scope of what we believe is normal. It’s going to be a travelling 2 part installation, the images to view and the gathering of everyone.

After filling the first 100 I opened up 80 more spots, but for the next city we’ll just keep it to 100. I want to create a book for each city with the unedited headshot they submitted, their story about how they feel about their body and the photograph I take. I want to replicate the experience I had of reading all of these stories and seeing their faces.

Art is super important to me, so some women have volunteered to perform, so we’re going to have a dance piece and musical performance along with other visual art. It will support local art communities, we want to reach everyone on a local and global scale.

The level of nudity is wholly up to the comfort level of the participant. It’s up to you to tap into how far outside you want to push from your comfort zone. The clothes almost just served as a mental comfort. The scariest part is just stripping down for a lot of people.

Having that witness (of being nude) is hugely validating and deeply comforting. It’s hard to explain. It can be so liberating and freeing and fun in a way that can’t always be described.

It’s another step of empowerment and embodiment.

So where can we find you? When is your first event?

March 6, 2020 in Salt Lake City is our first event. It’s a private party, invite-only but I’m working on an invite system to help build the community. A hugely integral part is the grassroots idea we had for how this should travel. I really want it to go where it needs to go. Everyone that attends the launch party is going to be given a ballot to vote on which city we need to go to next. We’ll place the top 3 cities on our website and then everyone can vote about where we go next!

@1ns_table

(Jen with 1 N’s table, because we don’t need higher fences, we need longer tables)

The best way for people to follow along is to sign up for our mailing list.

How do you like to manage your period?

I love Thinx! No matter what I put in (tampons, etc) I leak! Praise everything for Thinx!

Jenfairchild.com

1ns-table.org

This week podcast episode was sponsored by Thinx BTWN. Click on this link to get $10 OFF your first pair of period panties!

THE VAGINA BLOG PODCAST EPISODE 9: What a Good Bra Can Do For You with Courtney Killpack

PODCAST

Today I’m interviewing Courtney, owner of Bra Fittings by Court and Bosom Besties.

Courtney, how did you get started in all of this?

When I was in college back in 2006 I needed a job so I applied at Nordstrom. They had an opening in the lingerie department and I got into and quickly discovered I had a real love for it. I really felt like this was my calling in life, I was naturally good at it and had a passion for it. Once I got more experience, I quickly became a certified bra fitting specialist. I felt like I was people’s Fairy Godmother – teaching them what their Mom should have taught them about how their bras should properly fit.

I worked at Nordstrom for 4 years and I loved it. I was changing people’s lives. It’s not like an exercise program where you have to work for weeks to see progress – getting a good fitting bra is an immediate difference. I’m helping women find confidence in their skin and I feel like that’s such a gift to help people see, so that’s why I love what I do. I help women take their boobs and help them look amazing.

People don’t realize that having a properly fitting bra makes a big difference. It can make you more comfortable, take weight off of you, make you more comfortable. It really just is such a fantastic, simple, immediate thing.

What are some of the pain points are in this industry?

The biggest pain point is the media’s influence on what bras are supposed to look like and how misleading it all is. We’re seeing a very narrow mindset on what women should look like and how bras should fit. For the last 25+ years Victoria’s Secret has been the biggest influencer in how bras should fit and what they should look like. Lot’s of push-up. Lots of jiggle and cleavage.

There’s 2 things contributing to this narrow mindset. It’s very male-dominated and it’s males making the decisions about what women should look like. The frustrating thing is that bras are not just for sex. They’re something you wear everyday, and should be purchased that way! Not just for sexiness.

There’s also a lack of availability in size ranges. It’s expensive to carry over 130 different bra sizes so most big box stores don’t. They also don’t have a trained professional to help you fit a bra either and all of this adds to the misconceptions. People think a D is big and I laugh because I consider that a smaller size and is one of the most common sizes I fit!

But the media is such a problem. One of the biggest things I do is educate about this. I love showing different pictures of models in bras on social media or websites and pointing out how their bra does or does not fit them. Retailers don’t seem to care whether or not your bra fits, they just want to push sex or whatever they think is going to sell.

Our generation is over it and we’re starting to see changes finally. Victoria’s Secret is suffering from a lot of backlash because they don’t show a full range of women’s bodies, they don’t carry a full range of bra sizes and we’re all done with it.

I was a die hard for Victoria’s Secret and the lack of inclusivity was the last nail in the coffin for me.

People are starting to better understand that they don’t want to support brands that don’t share the same values as they do. Why give money to a brand that isn’t inclusive? And doesn’t carry a wide enough size range? This might be a crazy prediction, but if VS doesn’t do some soul-searching and changing, they’re going to be out of business in a few years.

I love that I’m seeing more and more diversity in bra sizes and representation.

Here in my shop I carry more than 130 different sizes so I can actually find you your true size instead of a pseudo size that is close enough. I think that the lingerie industry has been making major changes in the last 15 years and they have more sizes and brands than ever before.

When I was working at Nordstrom back in 2006 the trends were different with breasts. Everyone wanted high and tight and round looking augmented looking breasts. Lingerie trends these days are enhancing and embracing your natural shape. I feel like I’m almost seeing that with breast implants – we’ve gone from low profile and round to a more tear drop shape.

What are the most common problems that you’re seeing as women come in with their bras?

One of the most common things I see is that women are wearing too big of a band size. Many think that if you want it to be more comfortable, it needs to be bigger. The band is where your support comes from, so if you want it to fit right, it needs to sit low and snug. We always go down at least 1, sometimes up to 3 band sizes. A larger band puts a lot of work on the straps, the bra constantly needs adjusting, and it ultimately leaves your breasts lower. This can cause strain on the neck and shoulders, indents on your shoulders from the straps, and pain overall.

Walk me through a bra fitting:

Because I’ve been doing this for 13 years, I can just look at people and see how their bra is fitting them and what needs to be fixed. Based on how the bra is not fitting you, I can guess what size we need to move you into. If you go down a band size, you need to go up a cup size. Bigger cup sizes don’t necessarily even mean that you’re bigger, but it could be that you’re not getting full coverage all the way out to the sides like you need to.

I hadn’t realized until coming and getting fitted by Courtney that different brands have different styles of cups! In the past in order to have a cup big enough to cover my entire breast, I also had gaping at the top because I couldn’t quite fill out the profile. The new brand I tried accommodates my broad chest and low profile breasts with a larger cup size. I hadn’t realized that my breast shape was just meant for a different brand.

That’s why bra shopping can be so difficult. There’s just not as much availability in most box stores like what I can do in my shop. Each brand fits different shapes and needs. Your breast shape and size will determine what brand will fit best for you.

Bra size doesn’t matter.

People get so worried about the label of bra size. It’s just a size, it doesn’t mean anything. I like to tell people what their size is to educate them. It’s so important to make peace with your body and just love what you have, because once you do that you’ll just look for what fits instead of worrying what the actual size is.

The thing I tell a lot of ladies is that if you had small feet you would still look for shoes that fit your small feet. Even if you’re not a large cup size, you still need to wear a bra that fits your body.

Body Love. What do you have to say about it?

I tell people that I’m not a plastic surgeon. There’s only so much bras can do. I talk to a lot that are considering breast reduction/augmentation and I tell them to get a bra that fits them properly first and then see if they still want to do it. There’s no bra out there that’s going to fill your breast back up or move them up higher. I take what you have and enhance what’s naturally there. Getting a bra that fits can help take what you have and make you fall in love with yourself again.

If you don’t live in Salt Lake, or Utah and we don’t have in person access to you, what can we do?

If you’re in town, I have a schedule and I’d love to see you! I always think it’s worth the time and the drive to be fitted by us professionally.

If you can’t come to us, we have an online shop called bosombesties.com. We’ve used all of the data from fitting bras for years and created an algorithm to help find you a bra online! The thing that’s unique about our shop specifically is we’re not a brand, we have 9 different brands and we do free shipping and returns. We have fantastic customer service and help because we want to make sure we fit you correctly. We also carry some swimsuits!

So Courtney, what is your favorite way to manage your period?

I don’t have a period right now because of the IUD, so nothing? I like the IUD.

You can find Courtney at BraFittingsByCourt and at BosomBesties.com

THE VAGINA BLOG PODCAST EPISODE 8: Recurring Bacterial Vaginosis and What You Can Do About It with Natasha Semago

One of the most asked questions I receive on The Vagina Blog is “how do I get rid of my bacterial vaginosis?” Today I’m interviewing Natasha Semago, the owner of VeeFresh to learn more about boric acid and what it can do for BV.

Natasha, tell us your story!

I started out as a court reporter and then I got into this. I really got into and founded this company because of my own struggle. I had spent my entire adult life struggling with BV and was tired of dealing with it. I was back and forth with doctors and I felt like I was fighting all the time to get treatment and was so frustrated by all of it. It began to cause a lot of depression and anxiety, I wanted to distance myself from even my husband. I felt like I had to have rules before sex, I needed to shower right beforehand and I was obsessed with my odor and what was going on. I started harassing my friends and family about what their vagina smells like and if my odor was unusual or normal.

Something that has helped me understand vaginas is the difference between scent and odor. Vagina’s have a unique scent, but a distinct odor is a reason to be concerned.

As I was reaching out to people, many were saying “No, I don’t have an odor” and I really started feeling even more isolated and alone. Even if they have or if people have had an odor before, because of the stigmas we’ve created, everyone hesitates to talk about it from fear of judgement.

Finally I was researching and I came across an article that mentioned boric acids suppositories for the treatment of BV and that they had been used for hundreds of years. I got some, I tried some and they worked right away and I cried. I really thought that BV was my life, I thought this is me. I thought I would always feel alone, isolated, that sex would always be scheduled and self-conscious.

I then went back to my doctor and asked her about boric acid and she said yes, they used to use that for BV all the time and it’s a great treatment. I was so frustrated she had never mentioned it! Which is why it is so important to do your own research going into your doctors appointments, even just so you can ask more informed questions!

My doctor then recommended I continue boric acid treatment instead of antibiotics because after using them for so long I was becoming resistant to the antibiotics. I have chronic BV and now I don’t have to deal with it because of using these suppositories.

People don’t always realize when you have an infection like BV you take on so much of the societal shame that we’ve created around things like vaginal infections.

The main symptom of BV is the fishy odor and thin greyish discharge. For me, my vaginal pH struggles to reset itself after my period and after intercourse, so using a product like VeeFresh helps me do that. Boric acid is used for many other things, even as an eye wash solution.

So what causes BV?

Really anything in our environment can disrupt your body’s pH including soaps, what we eat, what we drink, what menstrual products we use…anything. They’ve actually now proven that hormonal birth control causes recurring BV as well. I know many that have BV and think it’s an STI, go in, get an antibiotic that then causes a yeast infection and by the time they’ve cured the yeast infection they have BV again. It is a cycle that is so hard to get out of.

A boric acid suppository works because it has anti-fungal and antiseptic properties and it helps your body put itself back into balance.

You offer another product called VeeTract as well. What does that do?

VeeTract is to help with urinary tract infections. VeeTract is a combination of hibiscus and D Mannose. The way it works is D Mannose is a sugar that cannot be absorbed by the body and binds with the bacteria that causes utis. It then flushes out of the body along with the bacteria when you urinate. It’s an easy, natural way to help prevent and treat urinary tract infections.

Is it safe to use during pregnancy?

Check in with your doctor and see what they have to say.

For me BV causes me to feel so irritated. I’ve only had it a handful of times, I’ve been so lucky not to end up in a loop, but it just feels awful. There’s discharge, but it feels too dry and so itchy or burny.

What many don’t know too, is if it’s left untreated, BV can lead to much worse problems. BV can lead to Pelvic Inflammatory disease and that can lead to infertility. If you have BV and then you use something like tampons which cause micro tearing in the walls of the vagina, you’re just spreading the infection further.

Let’s talk more about the emotional impact of having this infection. You struggled with this yourself, you started the company, tell us about the response:

I get calls and messages daily from people that are so happy to finally have relief. People have said I’ve saved their marriage, their vagina, and fixed such a terrible problem in their life. There have been tears and so much healing. I don’t think we always realize how important good vaginal health is. This part of your life extends into every part of your life!

I love the outreach programs you’re creating – tell us more about them!

We’re getting a lot of messages from other countries looking for help, especially in countries that are suffering from economic struggles. Even though we ship worldwide, our product doesn’t always make it there and we’re looking into ways to get product there locally available to them.

For colleges, we created a handbook called “not your mother’s handbook” to help educate college students along with sample packs. College students don’t have a lot of money and don’t always have the resources to help themselves. I’ve been getting a great response from the colleges which is really cool! I’m hoping to figure out a straightforward way to raise more money for these efforts because it is so important to me.

So Natasha, how do you like to manage your period?

Does wine count? I need to step up my period game! My periods aren’t much of an issue so I haven’t put much effort into managing this. Currently I use tampons. I’m so nervous about trying new things, but I’m ready to step up my game and explore.

Natasha, where can we find you?

VeeFresh.com

@veefresh

Amazon

THE VAGINA BLOG PODCAST EPISODE 7: Meditation, Mindfulness and Living Your Best Life with Megan Teerlink

PODCAST

Megan and I have been friends for a long time now. A couple months ago when I was talking about meditation and mindfulness I got a lot of questions about how to start, where to start and what to do and Megan is the perfect person to ask.

Megan previously owned a yoga studio in Mesquite, NV and I loved making the trek down the gorge to her classes because she is so good. Megan has been teaching yoga, meditation and mindfulness for 5 years now. Her love began with her mom, who is a yoga teacher as well. She has a passion for mindfulness and meditation and she loves to incorporate it into every area of her life that she can.

Megan also recently started a podcast called “Getting Mindful with Megan.” Check it out!

So Megan, what is meditation?

There’s a lot of different types of mediation. For some it’s clearing your mind of any thoughts and just creating space in your mind for you to be able to open up and listen to yourself, the universe or God. Just becoming aware of your thoughts and making space for your thoughts is another kind of mediation.

For me it’s really just opening up the doors and creating space and being aware to see and create what you want to create in your life.

It’s being quiet and observing and becoming in tune with yourself.

THIS WEEKS PODCAST EPISODE SPONSOR: GOOD CLEAN LOVE. Use code ROMANCE2020 to get their romance kit for only $10 and FREE SHIPPING!

So what is the difference between mindfulness and meditation?

Mindfulness is becoming aware.It’s why I’m thinking what I’m thinking or doing what I’m doing. Why is what is happening in my brain happening and what is it creating for me?

Meditating sounds nice, but will it really be that helpful in my life?

I started my meditation journey because I was suffering from anxiety. It helped me so much. Meditation and mindfulness get you into the present moment, anxiety is worry about the future. Meditation works by getting me into the present. When I can just focus on my breath, that’s when I can let go of the stress and worry of life.

You have to create this space in meditation to get quiet so you can become aware. And it gets better as you become more aware. You being to realize “I’m feeling anxious because I’m choosing this thought.” I love mindfulness because you can start to see where the disconnects are and once you see the disconnects you can really start to create the life and the feelings and the space that you want to create.

I recently was working through this in therapy because I’m a worrier and a planner. I need to have a plan and I need to think it all through, which can create anxiety and just take joy from my life.

My therapist had to tell me my new motto is “we will get there when we get there.” and I had to start living in 3 hour increments and finding joy in each 3 hour increment. Living mindfully like this has quickly changed my life. Redirecting my thoughts on purpose like this along with meditation has helped me find peace in my life.

Anxiety is actually a compounded emotion. Often times we’re just worried and we call it anxiety, but real anxiety is that tightness in your chest, compounding, spiraling out of control emotion.

We have circumstances in our life that we cannot control. We can’t control things like what people say to us or the weather. Circumstances lead to us having thoughts. Our thoughts are opinions that we make around a circumstance. The circumstance is fact, it can’t be negotiated. But our thoughts are our opinion and we put our opinions around all of our circumstances. Our thoughts bring a feeling.

For example, it’s 40 degrees outside, but we think “oh no, I’m not going to get anything done outside today” which then adds stress and then we act stressed and the results are not getting anything done and being a bad day.

Often I feel the anxiety first. I feel the worry in my chest and I name it and I say “Hi anxiety, I see you. You’re here. And it’s ok that you’re here. Do what you need to do.” I don’t try to resist it, anxiety happens because you’re resisting fear or worry. My favorite mantra in this moment is “these feelings come and go” because when you start to say that all of a sudden it releases. The fear that this is never going to stop, or I can’t live with anxiety dissipates. And then once I feel peace, I ask “what was the thought that triggered the worry?” Then I say “I get to choose my thoughts.”

Anxiety is hard because sometimes it gets to a point where you need medication and that’s why doing this type of thought work can be so helpful because it helps reveal how well you can work through things on your own or if you do need help.

Our brain has neuro pathways and the more we use that pathway the more it seems like a fact. For example, if you have been told or told yourself “I don’t look good in yellow” your entire life, you will continue to believe that and continue to strengthen that pathway in your mind as you try on yellow and continue to believe you don’t look good in it. Changing that thought can be difficult.

Imagine those neuro pathways as paths in a tall grassy field. You have the path that is already cut out and when you switch your path, it’s like you’re going right through the grass. Your brain will fight you to stay on the original path.

So for me, finding space and enough quiet time to observe “what are the thoughts I’m having?” helps me answer the question “what are they causing or creating or what feeling am I creating?” I’ve always loved the quote “As a man thinketh, he will become.” What you think creates feelings that create actions and that creates your result.

I think that we get in these ruts because our world is so distracting. We don’t have much space or quiet time any more. Just like your body loves going to the gym, your mind needs a workout too. Meditation is going to help heal your mind, your spirit and help heal your life.

So do I just sit quietly? How do I get started meditating?

The number one thing to do is make it easy for yourself. My yoga mat is right next to my bed, along with some of my favorite essential oils, my journal and a favorite candle. I love writing in my journal right after I meditate because it’s important to remember any thoughts or feelings that you had. You have to create the space.

Remove the distractions. Turn off your phone. Get up before your kids or after they leave for school.

The other thing I want to mention is you’re going to need mindfulness when you can’t be in your safe, created space. It’s important to work though it as it happens.

It is really important to set up a space with a time of day in mind. In hindu, the hours of 3-6 AM are recommended for meditation.

The next thing with getting started, is to find some good guided meditations. These meditations help you rewire those neuro pathways, by using affirmations like “I accept myself” “I feel free” and all of a sudden you’re starting to believe those thoughts which brings a lot of peace.

I loved my birth affirmations and hung them on my wall. Even as I labored with my eyes closed, each one of those affirmations floated into my mind. So even though I wasn’t looking at them, they were there. It’s the same with guided meditation – you can use these affirmations as needed throughout the day as situations arise.

I love this quote: “those times when you feel like you need to escape is the times when you need to go in.” I think it’s important to recognize that‘s the time to meditate and go inward. All of a sudden you’ll realize how much power you have to change the way you feel. It’s really wonderful and empowering to realize that.

I had a rough phone call earlier today with my insurance and I got in the car to go pick up my kids and I was carrying that sad feeling and letting it loop in my mind. I observed my thoughts, I let the feelings of frustration and sadness wash through, I was sad, it’s ok that I’m sad for a minute and then I was ready to transition to picking my kids up from school. So I walked through my thoughts and let the sadness go because they’re nothing I can do about it and I don’t’ need to let the sadness linger. Having this awareness because I’m making an effort to be mindful changes your life! I could have stayed in that feeling all day but I didn’t because I chose not to.

That’s why I love yoga. It’s a physical awareness first. We call it a yoga practice on purpose – it’s practice for life! It’s a practice of noticing and being aware of every part of your body just like mindfulness is being aware of your mind. It’s so many life lessons.

Let’s talk actionable steps. What can I do to get started moving in the right direction?

The first thing I would do is start working on writing in a journal. Start getting comfortable with your thoughts. A lot of us suppress our thoughts, and don’t even realize that they’re there. I’m a spiritual human and I love to write out my prayers. I love to get my thoughts out of my brain where I can see them.

The second thing I would do is start creating affirmations for your day. Normally an affirmation is I _________ this. “I take care of my body” we always bring it into the present moment. I think we can take it a step further and add evidence to it. “Because of ___________ I do this. “Because I love my body, I eat whole foods.” It’s easy to say “I have a million dollars” as an affirmation, but with doing it this way, it gives you something actionable. “Because I do thoughtwork, and I take care of my brain, I know I can make a million dollars.” All of a sudden it becomes achievable. I love giving your brain the evidence so that it can believe this.

“Because I love myself, I know I am enough”. What is a piece of evidence that you can use in your affirmations?

You can set alarms on your phone with your affirmations, you can record yourself saying them, you can repeat them every day at a certain time.

Third, moving your body helps move your mind. Do a yoga class, go for a walk, try to do something before meditation.

Find guided meditations you like. Start with short ones. 2 minutes is better than no minutes. 10 minutes is such a good place to start, it’s long enough to learn how to work through fidgeting but not so long it’s hard.

I think people believe that meditation is always going to be easy or fun, but sometimes it’s not. It’s like exercise, there’s going to be good days and bad. I have to talk myself into it sometimes because I know the results. Keep going, just keep doing it. Get comfortable with your thoughts.

One of my favorite parts of yoga is acceptance. I really believe that once we learn to accept ourselves and accept our thoughts exactly where they are, that’s when the transitioning and the cleansing comes.

Even cold showers can be a fantastic way to meditate. They really force you within yourself.

What menstrual products do you use?

I love my thinx! I hate everything else. They’re really great for me.

Megan, where can we find you?

Getting Mindful with Megan

Instagram

THE VAGINA BLOG PODCAST EPISODE 6: Using Pleasure to Heal Trauma with Nicole Syverson

PODCAST

It is so exciting to take back control of our bodies and celebrate!

I love to learn and I have experienced so much healing learning about empowerment and discovery and feeling great in my body and finding my voice and sharing with other women.

It’s so great to learn from the hard things we go through and then we can more knowledgeably share and help people going through the same thing. You know how lonely and frustrating it was to go through it by yourself and how amazing it is to find someone who has gone through it too.

I started in Massage Therapy and through that process I learned a lot about how to work with my breath. At the age of 18 I was exposed to this entirely different way to experience life and my body. It was the first time that I felt safe and good and experienced pleasure with my body. I started practicing yoga from there.

I did some other jobs, hated them all and ended up in Hawaii. I sought out energy healing, chakra work and path work. I really started diving into my traumas and the pain body and all of the things I was holding onto that were holding me back.

From there I went to India and did teacher training for yoga, then a nutrition certification to learn more about how to care for my body.

It’s been a huge process of learning myself and my body and starting to listen to my body and letting it guide me.

It’s been a process of finding out what’s right for me.

I used to have extremely painful periods and it was through changing my diet and working on my stress management and emotional processing that I’ve been able to see improvement.

THIS WEEKS PODCAST EPISODE SPONSOR: GOOD CLEAN LOVE. Use code ROMANCE2020 to get their romance kit for only $10 and FREE SHIPPING!

So what do you do as Nicole Syverson Coaching?

I love working with female entrepreneurs and leaders that are ambitious and successful to help them connect to themselves, their body, the pleasure and their power and work with them to heal old trauma and emotional/mental blocks to help them get to their next level of success.

Success is super vague, so it’s getting women into feeling empowered in their body, in their pleasure, in their power so they can courageously go into changing, creating and doing great things in this world. Now is the time as women, especially in America, having the privilege and freedom that we have, to take a stand for other women in the world who don’t have the liberties that we do.

I really love supporting women in their healing, getting them out of their own way so they can go be the gift and the strength and the life for other people on this planet.

So much of sex is getting out of our own way, so healing our trauma not only helps the world but our personal lives too.

What is the 1 thing we can all do right now to feel more empowered?

Here’s a few simple options:

Connect with your breath. When you’re in control of your breath, you’re in control of your mind. When you focus on your breath your mind can’t focus on other things. It’s as simple as taking 3-10 intentional breaths before getting out of bed or before a business call. It’s super simple, but it allows you to be in the present moment.

This also a great practice for transitioning throughout the day. As I’m leaving work to pick up kids I start mentally shifting from work mode to mom mode through meditation and breathing. When I take the time to do this with intention, it really helps.

Meditation and intentional breathing doesn’t have to be a once-a-day practice, it can be many times a day for as long or as short as you need.

Secondly, catch your inner critic and identify it early on. Don’t be afraid to name your inner critic, thank them for their input and then disengage those thoughts. When you’re not aware that you’re having those critical thoughts all day they will run your life. And if you start to become aware and become victim to them, it’s really painful. Naming the inner critic doesn’t disassociate them, but it gives you control over it.

Third is to really nourish your body through pleasurable movement. Walking outside, dance breaks, embracing yourself, self-massage, anything to claim the pleasure you can feel in your body when you’re not criticizing it. Being in your body is where you feel embodied.

We’ve lost the art of self-massage. Rubbing my own hands, my own feet, doing head-rolls is such a great way to wind down and take a small pleasurable moment.

People almost disregard these things because they seem so simple. Like working out, it becomes a habit and a routine and you get results from it. It’s all about the practice of it.

Same goes for negative thoughts – it becomes a habit. We have to be intentional about stopping our negative thoughts.

How does trauma affect people’s ability to be empowered and confident?

I know trauma is becoming a buzzword right now, but it really does affect people. Often when we picture someone with PTSD we picture a war vet with severe mental illness and PTSD can be caused by so many things. PTSD can be caused by the anxiety of what’s happening in our world, losing a loved one, a divorce, financial stress, childbirth, pregnancy, postpartum, or motherhood in general. There is a lot of trauma that can happen simply by becoming a parent, even though there is so much joy in it as well.

Any time your nervous system gets dis-regulated, it puts you in fight, flight or freeze. If you grew up with a safe space to shake it off, reconnect and come back to homeostasis you might have the tools to do that as an adult but most of us do not. It’s all mental too, we aren’t physically outrunning the bear anymore. The mental stress and fatigue puts us in that same space of fight, flight or freeze.

This is often an epidemic among women. And it’s not necessarily about healing childhood trauma, but present day-to-day trauma that is affecting your nervous system and your reality that you’ve created because of it.

How can we use pleasure to heal trauma?

When you are in a pleasurable state, you feel safe in your body, you feel content. Pleasure isn’t always sexual, it is a state of joy, of easy breathing and when you are in a pleasurable space you are not in stress, you are not in trauma. The more time we spend in a pleasurable and safe state, the more we heal past and present trauma. When we’ve experienced a trauma we create a life truth from it and living in a pleasure state helps us reframe. The more often we come back to that connection to ourselves, the more that we regulate our own nervous system and heal through relationships with ourselves and with others.

And example of this from my own life: I didn’t grow up with my father. I grew up with an abusive step-Father until I was 8, he left and then my mother remarried again to a wonderful step-Father I still have a relationship with. But when I was younger I believed that it was my fault that all of these Fathers were leaving. It affected how and who I dated, which always triggered me feeling unworthy and like everything was my fault. It is still something I have to work on still, but now I recognize it quickly and reframe my thoughts.

It’s so important to remove the shame as well. Simply recognizing that I’m human and I made a mistake is so much less damaging than believing that I’m unworthy or a bad person.

Just like the idea that when you break a bone it grows back stronger, our trauma can be reframed into our glory. Many people find their passion and purpose comes from the voice that happens as a result of working through their trauma.

When do you need a coach and when do you need a therapist?

Therapy Is amazing for processing when it’s a good therapist (same goes for coaches). It’s really about paying attention to yourself and your needs. If you have a diagnosable condition like bi-polar disorder, absolutely see a psychiatrist. A life coach can even be a great supplement to therapy.

Therapy can sometimes turn into repeating the story over and over again. Not every therapist provides the tools you need to reframe and move forward, and that can be a great reason to use both therapy and coaching at the same time.

Working with a nutritionist specific to emotional needs can also be a fantastic addition as well. We carry so much of our emotional health in our gut. You are a whole being, you are not just your mind or not just your stomach. Your emotions can have an impact on your physical health.

Tell us about your pleasure ebook!

I wanted to create something for women that was super simple and ideally a quick fix for women thinking about coaching.

It’s 10 simple ways to build more pleasure in your body to give you some quick results.

How do you like to manage your period?

I really love vaginal steaming and epsom salt baths. Knowing when my period is coming really helps. And I love iron supplements.

Tell us where we can find you!

nicolesyverson.com

@nicole_syverson

Private FB Group:

@Nicole Syverson Coaching

Anyone that sees this, please take my offer for a 1 hour clarity call with me to see if coaching is a good fit for you!

THE VAGINA BLOG PODCAST EPISODE 5: Boudoir and Loving Your Body with Lyndi Benson

PODCAST

Lyndi, how did you get started and what is boudoir photography?

I just knew once I started doing it, it was my calling. I knew how I wanted women to feel about themselves and that this was a way for me to do that. I wanted to make people feel beautiful. Once I got past being worried about judgement from others, it has been so fun.

Women usually come into their session shy, even shaking sometimes. I try to create a safe space where people can just feel themselves and feel beautiful. I want to applaud them for their bravery and validate their beauty.

A transformation that took place for me (April) after being photographed more was an acceptance of my body that I was not expecting. Boudoir really does that for people. Seeing myself through the eyes of someone else helped me realize I need to stop being so hard on myself!

It feels good to come out of your shell and embrace yourself.

It’s so good to see the process – seeing photos as they’re being taken helps build this confidence.

Tell me about your body love journey, and the body love journey we’re all on with you.

I struggled with my body image. When I was a teenager especially I was so unhealthy and my mom had a negative body image so I inherited that negative body image. Going into college I developed bulimia and it was hard on my soul. Through good friends and an amazing boyfriend at the time I came to accept my body type and I’m continuing to.

I decided to stop talking about the negative things about myself and start talking positively.

We’ve created this culture where everyone talks negatively and the more I talk positively, the more I believe it. And I love modeling that behaviour as well and creating a safe space for others to do the same. Finding love for yourself and your body is a worthy cause.

What questions do you get the most from people about boudoir?

When I get asked what to wear, I ask, what do you feel sexy in? My personal favorite is body suits, something you feel snuggly in (like a slouchy sweater and undies). So much about boudoir is curves and eyelashes.

Boudoir is so different from pornography – boudoir is about capturing someone’s inner light and sexiness. There’s so much trust and wholesome love that I put into boudoir. It’s more inner sexy and less labia. It’s intimate and sexy but not necessarily sexual.

What should you look for when you’re looking for a boudoir photographer?

Read the reviews – always look for someone that is good at making people feel comfortable. Always look at their portfolio, not just their top 10, but look at an entire session start to finish from one shoot. You’ll quickly know what the vibe is. Make sure the person you hire feels like they’re going to respect and enhance you. You should never leave a shoot feeling less than. And never be afraid to bring a friend or partner.

As far as couples sessions go, couples boudoir captures the intimacy and love of your relationship.

Lyndi, let’s talk about your first boudoir shoot in front of the camera.

I was 20, I was about to get married to my sexy husband, and it was April that took my pictures. We shot them at a friend’s house, there were SO many props, and we shot a calendar’s worth of content. Going from that first shoot until now, it’s amazing how things have grown and changed.

There’s something about boudoir that unlocks part of yourself that you normally don’t let out.

Fast forward a few years, I (April) was pregnant with my third and Lyndi took the most beautiful maternity boudoir photos of me. It was so nice to feel sexy for a minute while pregnant. Coming from such a difficult pregnancy, spending this time getting my hair and make-up done, being photographed and actually feeling so good about myself for a minute was a bright spot in a very hard pregnancy. I cherish those images and that time spent. It was so precious to me.

It’s such a celebration of your body, which is something we don’t do enough. We don’t celebrate our bodies. Your body gets you out of bed and it takes care of your kids or it takes you to your job and it runs you. If you just think about the million different things your body is doing all at the same time, why are we getting wrapped up in a squishy tummy or waist size?

You would never attack someone else’s body the way you do your own. Why do we think every one else is doing that to us? Women support women – why can’t we believe that?

Boudoir has been a journey. It helps people fall in love with themselves again, or for the first time.

And it isn’t always about hair or make-up or anything, it’s about capturing that inner light. Make-up should be a fun enhancement.

So, to wrap up: why does every person need a boudoir shoot?

Everyone just needs to let themselves feel beautiful and walk out the door feeling amazing. We get so wrapped up in life and a boudoir shoot is an opportunity to take a break from that and celebrate your body.

One of my favorite shoots I’ve ever done was right after having my baby. I was squishy and nursing and still had my stretch marks and I love having those pictures of my healing body.

There’s just nothing like a shoot. Even if you don’t believe your body is beautiful before, you will after.

Lyndi, how do you manage your period?

I’m usually a tampon user, but at night time and if my vagina is feeling a little sore I love wearing Thinx panties!

Lyndi is actually the one that told me she wears her Thinx in anticipation of her period (a trick I share with everyone now) so thank her for sharing this awesome idea! They’re amazing because if you’re worried your period *might* be coming, wear Thinx and don’t worry abou it!

Lyndi, where can we find you?

sugarrushboudoir.com

@sugarrushboudoir

THE VAGINA BLOG PODCAST EPISODE 4: All About the Pelvic Floor with Tara Thompson

PODCAST VAGINAS

Tara Thompson is the owner and creator of the Hello Vagina Podcast. She is a personal trainer and owns a pelvic floor and postpartum recovery focused gym. She’s trained and certified to help people with vaginas recover and strengthen their pelvic floor and body.

If you didn’t deal with your pelvic floor issues, your diastasis recti or other issues immediately after the birth of your children, those issues are typically still there years later and need to be dealt with! Most personal trainers don’t know how to correctly engage the pelvic floor and will recommend things like crunches and planks that actually can worsen the problems suffered by postpartum women. 80% of those that have gym memberships are actually women, so we need more trainers that know how to help postpartum injuries. It’s crazy that the industry doesn’t focus more on women.

We’re not doing enough to support the postpartum journey. And really, you’re considered postpartum any time after having children, not necessarily in just those 2 years after the birth of your children.

There’s so much that we don’t talk about in womanhood, like childbirth and many of the injuries that can come with it, including stitches, c-sections, difficult deliveries, swelling, bleeding, etc. Too many people are keeping this quiet behind closed doors and we need to talk about the female journey more and stop the isolation. Let’s start talking about everything that happens to our vaginas.

So what is the pelvic floor and why do I need to be exercising it?

It is a grouping of muscles that holds everything else up, including your uterus, bladder, etc. It relates to your posture, your back, incontinence, sexuality – your pelvic floor is so important. Pelvic floor health isn’t just important for females either, men need to take good care of their pelvic floor as well!

Kegels aren’t just squeezing your vagina, a proper pelvic floor contraction is squeezing your urethra, your vagina and your anus at the same time in an upward motion towards your belly button. Tara’s favorite visualization is picturing a jelly fish lying flat and then with a contraction, everything sucks up and together. Pelvic tilts are another great exercise for the pelvic floor, but need to be done lying down with a neutral spine to begin instead of sitting. (The relaxing is just as important as the contracting). Many people that think that they’re squeezing correctly are bearing down instead of squeezing up, which is why seeing a Pelvic floor physical therapist can be so helpful.

OB/GYNs typically are not Pelvic Floor Physical Therapists and will not check your pelvic floor health at your 6 week check-up after delivery. They simply check your cervix and *might* check healing stitches. If you need physical therapy of your pelvis, you typically have to seek that out on your own.

For many too, it’s not a matter of being “too loose” but actually of being too tight (called overactive pelvic floor) and being unable to release those muscles, which is information that a Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist can provide you, and help you know what to do to help it.

We need to talk more about prolapse and incontinence. It is not normal to pee your pants – we need to stop normalizing it! Urinary and Fecal Incontinence signals that something is wrong and should be treated that way. Prolapsing can get worse and worse and lead to serious problems. There is no longer a good treatment available for uterine prolapse especially, so prevention really is the most important thing you can do. Once it gets to that point there’s temporary fixes like a pessary, that manually holds up your organs, but the best case is prevention.

Once you know how to activate the pelvic floor, it’s just a matter of doing those simple exercises regularly to keep your pelvic floor healthy. Besides preventing prolapse and incontinence, it helps with things like less back pain, better orgasms, and less pain with intercourse.

So how can we tell if our pelvic floor is strong enough? Or contracted all the time? Or too weak?

In a perfect world, it would be so great if everyone could be checked by a professional. Some red flags include: involuntary leaking, pain during sex, hip pain or back pain, fecal incontinence or prolapse. Time can push these things over the edge – just because you are doing well now and not exercising doesn’t mean you will still be ok 5 years from now. And stress from exercise can cause problems as well, things like heavy lifting can cause incontinence if not paired with pelvic floor exercise! The only way to truly know that you’re doing a pelvic floor contraction properly is to have it checked by a professional.

Following good instructions should help you become familiar with how to properly contract your pelvic floor. Studies have just found that 50% of people are doing it wrong.

Because we can’t see the pelvic floor, we don’t always think of it as important as it is! Just being pregnant stretches, weakens and strains the pelvic floor simply from the weight of the baby. A c-section doesn’t prevent pelvic floor damages because vaginal delivery is only a small part of the damage done.

IT’S NEVER TOO LATE to start rehabilitating your pelvic floor. It may take longer, but you can start healing at even 20 years postpartum. Why not improve your quality of life now?

Peeing your pants isn’t normal!!!

What’s the best thing you can do before/during/after pregnancy to help take good care of your pelvic floor?

Exercise your pelvic floor! Just simple pelvic tilts, either standing or laying down during pregnancy and after can help keep those muscles toned. Get checked by a pelvic floor physical therapist during pregnancy at 36 weeks to make sure you don’t have an overactive pelvic floor, and then again postpartum at 6 weeks and 12 weeks postpartum. If you have an overactive pelvic floor they can help you work on releasing to help with delivery, and then access damage after delivery.

Why shouldn’t we do planks or crunches? How can I heal my diastasis recti?

Diastasis Recti is the separation of your abdominal muscles and happens to 90% of women with pregnancy. Typically it heals on it’s own with time and gentle exercises, depending on the severity. Exercises like crunches too early after delivery can actually pull apart those muscles that are trying to heal back together. Planking isn’t good because it puts all of the pressure of your organs on that newly reconnected tissue. Better exercises like side planks and pelvic tilts are much more effective and less damaging.

We need to take time to rebuild from the inside out. Dieting can affect your milk supply, and withhold necessary nutrients. Postpartum is a time for gentle exercise, rest and allowing your body to heal. Invest in yourself, how you care for yourself in those first 12 weeks postpartum will matter a year later!

“6 weeks” doesn’t apply to everyone when it comes to recovery. Listen to your body to decide when YOU feel best about returning to exercise, resuming intercourse or restricting your diet (or not). Tara has created a space in her gym where people can exercise safely and ease back into exercise as they feel like they can.

“6 weeks” is just an average figure. Many trainers don’t understand much of what’s happening in postpartum recovery and won’t understand how different exercises could be affecting you. Your focus postpartum should be rebuilding your inner core and pelvic floor and being mindful of how your other exercises could be affecting that. What am I doing as I’m rebuilding from the inside out?

Get checked. Get checked and know what you’re doing. Put value on this. We’ll go out to a fancy dinner and spend $150, but we won’t spend that to have our pelvic floor checked. Having a healthy pelvic floor impacts your entire life! It’s so important, we need to make our pelvic floor part of our everyday life!

Tara, what is your favorite way to manage your period?

Implanon! I don’t have regular periods but when I did I was a tampon user. Now that I know about period panties, I want to try those next!

Tara, where can we find you?

HelloVaginaPodcast.com

Check out her resources for challenges and at-home programs!

@hellovaginapodcast

Instead of a sponsor this week and in honor of Tara (who’s Australian), I’m encouraging all my podcast listeners to donate to one of the following charities:

Australian Red Cross

The Australian Red Cross is accepting donations to its Disaster Relief and Recovery Fund, which has helped to send 1,285 staff members and volunteers to communities affected by the fires and to provide support to displaced people sheltering in more than 69 evacuation and recovery centers. The Red Cross also provides emergency grants to help people cover their immediate needs.

There are other ways to help if you cannot donate money. The Red Cross says clothing and household goods can be given to Red Cross-affiliated shops, or suggests holding garage sales or fund-raising events. Volunteering roles are also possible. After training, volunteers are deployed to fill emergency roles.

GIVIT

GIVIT is an Australian organization that matches donated goods with items that are specifically requested by victims of the fires. People have asked for things like car batteries, fence posts and gas pumps.

Salvation Army Australia

Like other organizations, the Salvation Army advises donors to send money instead of goods because of the logistical difficulties of storing and distributing goods in areas affected by disasters. Donations are funneled to various forms of assistance, including mental health support and housing.

“Financial donations also allow residents the opportunity to make their own choices and inject much-needed funds into local economies and businesses, helping communities recover sooner,” the organization says.

St. Vincent de Paul Society

The lay Catholic organization has more than 60,000 members and volunteers who assist people in need across Australia. Its bush fire appeal designates how far specific financial amounts can go, and brings home the reality of how the disaster has upended the lives of the dispossessed: $50 (about $35 American dollars) can provide food for a displaced family; $150 can help stave off bills; and $300 can help clothe a fleeing family that had to leave behind their belongings.

NSW Rural Fire Service

Firefighters and community workers in rural fire brigades are in the thick of it. The fire service has a map that is regularly updated, showing clusters of fire spots stretching along a swath of the country’s southeast coast. Donations are directed to emergency efforts and nonemergency community work.

Port Macquarie Koala Hospital

The hospital has a GoFundMe appeal for its work with the National Parks and Wildlife Service searching for koalas in the Port Macquarie area. At least 31 koalas have been brought to the hospital from several fire grounds, the hospital’s appeal says. More than $4 million in donations have been accrued so far. The money has enabled the organization to purchase a vehicle to distribute water and to set up drinking water stations in areas affected by the fires, especially in New South Wales. It has also enabled the organization to expand its breeding program.

RSPCA New South Wales

Funds from the organization’s bush fire appeal will support its work at evacuation centers in northern New South Wales and other areas. Once fire zones are cleared, its inspectors will enter those areas to assess how to help any injured animals.

Australian Koala Foundation

Donations can be made through its website.

Koalas in Care Inc.

The nonprofit accepts funds for its work. It assists about 65 koalas every year, but the bush fire situation is “one that we have never experienced on such an enormous scale.” Here is a video of Lucas the koala recovering from his burns.

World Wildlife Fund

Hundreds koalas have died in the fires and more have been injured or burned, according to figures from the group; it’s likely that many more have died, some ecologists say. Donations go to medical treatment and planting trees for koalas.

WIRES

The most affected state, New South Wales, which includes Sydney, Australia’s largest city, is having its worst fire season in 20 years.

WIRES, or the NSW Wildlife Information, Rescue and Education Service Inc., is Australia’s largest wildlife rescue organization. Donations can be made online, by telephone and through Facebook and PayPal.

Facebook and GoFundMe

Several people have organized fund-raisers on social media or GoFundMe pages to help people in need. Celeste Barber, an actor and comedian, started a fund-raiser on Facebook for The Trustee for NSW Rural Fire Service & Brigades Donations Fund. It has already generated more than $26 million. Dacre Montgomery, who starred in Netflix’s “Stranger Things,” started a GoFundMe page. The money raised, which tallies more than $250,000, is earmarked for the Australian Red Cross.

Airbnb

Airbnb is offering free temporary housing for the displaced in homes in New South Wales south of Sydney, and in Melbourne and its suburbs.

THE VAGINA BLOG PODCAST EPISODE 3: Inclusivity, Birth, and Learning How to Better Love and Support Each Other with Beth Hardy

PODCAST

Today I’m sitting down with Beth Hardy of Heart Tones Birth Services. Beth has a lot of fantastic insight into the queer community. She’s been working as a doula since 2011. A doula is a birth support person who is educated in birth and is there to help clients physically, emotionally, mentally. Doulas don’t do anything medical and are strictly there to support the birthing person and their partner. Beth’s work as a doula began in San Francisco and has now moved to Salt Lake City. Beth identifies as queer, is married to a trans person and wants to help the queer community especially when it comes to birth.

Many people don’t quite know what to do with those that don’t fit into the traditional box of straight, cis females within birth. Birth is inherently feminine culturally, and even for those that identify as cis women, they may not identify as a “birthing goddess” while laboring. That language may not fit with everyone. There’s people giving birth that do not identify as women and people are becoming more socially aware and part of that is learning respectful language and being educated about it. Beth is not just a doula, but an educator to her community and doula community with an emphasis on inclusivity.

Doulas often serve as protectors to their clients and Beth’s work is that much more important for the queer community. The last thing you want to be doing in labor is answering even more intimate questions than usual (or any questions at all for that matter).

Beth is also a board-certified music therapist and is trained to use music in all it’s different forms within healthcare in some way – hospice, birth, all times of life. Beth is also trained in music therapy assisted childbirth. It’s not live music, it’s using recorded playlists in labor that help the birthing person feel more calm, more comfortable and adds an extra layer of familiarity. Most people in the US deliver in the hospital, so having a specialized playlist from home can foster feelings of safety like a cocoon of peace, tranquility and strength.

Sometimes going to the hospital can really throw off labor. It smells different, it’s lit differently, there’s nothing about it that is your home, and those feelings of safety make a big difference instinctively, when it comes to laboring and delivering a baby. We need to feel safe and secure and having this musical security blanket is amazing.

Beth also writes custom womb songs for her clients, asking about how they’re feeling, what they want to say to their baby, how they want to feel, all those sweet and tender things that help get you into the mindset that this is a person that we want to welcome into the world. She takes those words and puts together an original song to be played during their pregnancy, as a gift to their baby, to themselves and to be played during the birth.

Beth has some intimate insight into the queer community and speaks openly on her social platforms about how to help support and love and be educated.

(Obviously we’re both speaking from where we know and Beth knows she does not speak for the entire queer community.)

So how do we approach pronouns? What are appropriate questions to ask?

For Beth working as a doula, she sticks to anything she actually needs to know. She’s not a medical provider so she doesn’t need to know anything about their medical history unless they feel like they need to share it because it might affect their birth.

For example: “How are you planning on feeding the baby?” It’s open-ended, it’s easy and it leaves the question easily answered.

Sometimes we get really protective of our language, like the term breastfeeding, because we’re just now getting comfortable with it! Broadening our language or adding additional terms doesn’t harm anyone and helps encourage inclusivity. For example: “breast-feeding AND chest-feeding” doesn’t take anything away from those that breastfeed or are passionate about breastfeeding.

You’re just adding to it, you’re not taking anything away. It’s just allowing more people to feel included. And I think that’s kind of the case with a lot of this stuff. With terms, don’t feel threatened, your femininity, your reality of who you are, is not in any way compromised or lessened because other people are now included in this experience of childbirth (or anything).

I felt like I couldn’t say woman after being harassed a bit, and instead I now say “women and people,” “parents,” etc. It’s so easy to open up your language and be more inclusive.

I feel like often curiosity gets the best of people, and we sometimes lose general decency. If you wouldn’t want someone asking you about your genitals or who you like to be intimate with, maybe don’t feel like you can do that to anyone else, even if they look like they don’t fit in the cis/het box.

What’s a good way to ask about pronouns? It can be helpful to state your own first and lead with inclusivity and making people comfortable. Using the term “preferred pronouns” can be offensive. Leading with your own quickly and easily opens up the conversation. Pronouns, a rainbow and other small visual cues in your social media can also signal to others that you’re offering a safe space and an open conversation.

What challenges does the queer community face when it comes to birth? The biggest challenge is the expectation to be an educator while also being in labor. That’s part of why a doula is especially helpful for those that are queer. Being called the wrong name, pronoun, etc can be especially troubling, confusing and can pull you out of the cocoon you so carefully created!

Consent is also something that is extremely important (for ALL birthing people) but especially for queer people that may be suffering from dysphoria or other disorders that can come with identifying as queer.

It was so good to hear that most people just want to do good and try really hard to be inclusive. Beth hasn’t experienced a lot of discrimination personally and is so glad.

Beth is very comfortable, very out and happy to answer questions but not everyone is like that and we shouldn’t expect them to be. Gender and sexuality are very personal topics and it’s not anyone’s job to educate you about themselves or the entire LGBTQIA+ community.

GOOGLE IT. Youtube it. There’s so much information available.

Imagine trying to explain and represent everyone in your own community. For me (April) I identify as cis gender and heterosexual, but it’s a lot to ask me to speak for that entire community and explain every part of it (believe me, I’m The Vagina Blog, it’s a lot!) and we’re all fairly familiar with the cis-het experience! Don’t ask our queer community to try and do that! Before asking, ask yourself that question and see how you would respond.

And I’m so grateful that many, like Beth are so open and willing to help and educate. As society becomes more aware and people become less marginalized, we will be continuing to learn about how to best respect and love each other. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. Apologize and move on, don’t make it about you, don’t expect people to make it ok for you. Just fix and move on. We are all going to have moments of stumbling and making mistakes.

So Beth, how do you manage your period?

She loves cloth pads. She tried the sponge, the cup and has found cloth pads to be the easiest and most comfortable. She gets on etsy and shops cute small shops and has a whole collection!

Where can we find you?

Heart Tones Birth Services

THE VAGINA BLOG PODCAST EPISODE 2: CHARTING, INFORMED CONSENT, AND LISTENING TO YOUR INTUITION with Lisa Hendrickson-Jack

PODCAST

Toni Weschler, author of Taking Charge of Your Fertility, wrote the foreword of Lisa Hendrickson-Jack’s book, The Fifth Vital Sign: “This book is a gold mine of practical advice for women wanting answers to a myriad of questions that usually arise around fertility and the menstrual cycle.” If Toni, author of what I consider to be the vagina owners manual, gave The Fifth Vital Sign such an incredible review, I knew I needed to interview Lisa Hendrickson-Jack!

Taking Charge of Your Fertility was one of the first books Lisa read and opened her eyes about FAM and fertility in general. After being on the pill for period pain as a teenager, she decided to come off the pill when she became sexually active and switched to condoms because she trusted them more. She soon after learned about fertility awareness and felt more in control as she began charting and learning about her cycle.

After taking a training program about FAM, she started teaching women about charting their cycles and still continues to educate about fertility awareness today.

Click Here to get $10 OFF your Thinx purchase!

The indoctrination and fear around fertility is so real. The more cycles that you go through the more you see and begin to understand ovulation, etc and that helps you build up your confidence in your ability to understand when you can and cannot have unprotected sex without getting pregnant.

Charting can be very empowering. Becoming familiar with your own body and your cycle means having the information available if something does go wrong. You can go into your doctor’s office knowing you have a short luteal phase, or you’re not ovulating regularly, or even that your cycle is 32 days and not 28. It really empowers you to be the expert on your own body.

Charting connects you to what’s happening in your body in a completely different way.

Women come to charting often for a reason – either they want to get pregnant or they’ve had a bad experience with hormonal birth control. What happens is they come for the reason and then stay because they gain body literacy. Charting just begins the realization that everything you do in life impacts your cycle – how you eat, your sleep habits, everything which is why the menstrual cycle is a vital sign!

Even seeing a specialist we’re often told the only way to “regulate” our cycles is with the pill. Whatever is happening with our bodies-it’s outside of our control. Whatever is happening is just happening.

It’s so frustrating too because medical professionals use the terms “regulate your cycle” when in reality it’s actually overriding and obliterating your cycle. There is no cycle on hormonal birth control. They say “regulate” and it sounds really safe and reassuring, but it’s not real.

The message is “you have no power.” The only thing we can do is medication, something that’s outside yourself. Charting helps women understand that there is A LOT you can do to help manage, ease and regulate their menstrual cycle and symptoms! What you eat, how you sleep, your stress levels, your lifestyle all have an effect on your menstrual cycle and whether or not you ovulate, how long your luteal phase is, your cervical mucus quality, how heavily your bleed, etc.

Lisa teaches the thermo-symptal method of charting which is observing symptoms like cervical position and fluid and charting temperatures every morning. Progesterone has a thermogenic effect on the body, so your entire body temperature rises after ovulation because your body is making more progesterone. You have these physical signs of ovulation.

It’s actually so simple. We often picture charting as difficult or cumbersome, when really it’s a simple as taking your temperature every morning, observing your cervical mucus when you wipe while going to the bathroom and writing these things down (or logging them on an app!) Checking cervical position isn’t even necessary, it’s typically considered a secondary sign. All of this is just basic information that we should all know!

I’m just such an advocate for getting comfortable with your own body and I absolutely understand that some people are not there yet. I think charting is such a safe great way to start down this path of learning about your anatomy and about your vagina and the inside of your vagina.

Our sex education had huge gaps in understanding the menstrual cycle. It was explained solely as a period and that’s it – no explanation of ovulation, cervical mucus, etc. Learning about all of these things will only help strengthen your relationship with your body.

One thing that’s helpful about charting is that it allows you to form a baseline for what’s normal.

Knowing what’s normal for your own body is so important because so many things happen with our menstrual cycle. A typical cycle looks like menstruating for 3-7 days, a few “dry” days, or days that you’re not observing cervical fluid and then cervical fluid days for 5-7 days. Ovulation should then occur, then cervical fluid should dry up, and then you should have dry days again for the rest of your cycle until you menstruate again. You should not have discharge every single day, it should not have a strong odor, it shouldn’t be yellow or gray or green. And the many days of your cycle should be dry.

Constant wetness or gushing, discolored discharge, strong odors, are all signs of possible problems. Knowing what’s normal for you and observing these symptoms can help you diagnose problems before they’re serious.

Long term pill use has been linked to chronic HPV. Women catch HPV all the time, most bodies can fight it off. Pill use depletes folate making it difficult for you body to fight off HPV, creating a chronic infection that can lead to cervical cancer.

If you’re on hormonal birth control and you develop an unusual condition that doesn’t make sense, be the first to point the finger at the birth control and ask “could my birth control be causing this?” And that may mean doing your own research, tracking down the information pamphlet the birth control came with and pressing your doctor to investigate because they aren’t typically quick to blame the birth control. There are downsides to hormonal birth control that we just aren’t talking about.

My biggest problem with hormonal birth control is the lack of informed consent.

The manufacturers don’t really hide that there’s problems, but they use minimizing language. Instead of saying “may cause depression or anxiety” they say “potentially causes mood disorders.” And very few women’s doctors pull out the insert and review it before starting birth control!

Lisa has an entire series dedicated to the harmful effects of hormonal birth control where she’s interviewed women about their experiences.

So many women experience anxiety, depression and low-libido. The challenge is that we already culturally have the stereotype of women as being non-sexual, emotional and mean. So if you’re on the pill and you go to your doctor with these symptoms you’re much more likely to be prescribed additional medication to manage these problems rather than your doctor saying “you know what, we know that the pill causes all of these problems, maybe we should make some changes to your birth control, instead of giving you additional serious medications.” But that’s not typically what happens.

In order for the pill to work, it has to shut down ovulation. In order for it to shut down ovulation, it has to suppress ovarian function so it disrupts communication between your hypothalamus, pituitary and ovaries. Because it suppresses normal ovarian function, you no longer produce normal levels of your natural estrogen, your natural progesterone and your natural testosterone. It also increases your production of a protein called sex hormone binding globulin, which attaches to your free testosterone. So women that are taking hormonal birth control have 50-60% less testosterone than those that aren’t. This isn’t a side effect that happens to some people, this is how the medication works. Hormonal birth control works by completely overriding what your body would do naturally and turning it all off.

All people on birth control are going to have these depressed levels of testosterone, what that lack of testosterone can make you feel is what can vary. Some will have less energy, some will have less libido, some may have painful sex, how it plays out is up for debate.

We can approach the pill very differently. We aren’t talking about the side effects enough. And we need to acknowledge it as a MEDICATION – it’s not a vitamin or a mineral. When our doctor asks if we’re on any medication, do we always think about the IUD in our uterus, the implant in our arm or the pill we’re taking every day? We need to demystify how the pill actually works because understanding the huge effect it’s having on our overall health is part of informed consent.

Starting hormonal birth control at a young age before you really know yourself and suffering from the side effects like anxiety, panic attacks and depression could lead you to believe that that’s who you are and those problems are yours and not caused by the birth control you’re taking. The efficacy of the birth control is often prioritized over anything else, especially for teens, even if it’s causing these side effects.

Women are not stupid and we don’t need doctors making our decisions for us. We need the information because we’re adults. We need to have informed consent.

I just want informed consent with all medical care.

Talk to 5 women that have come off the pill. They’ll tell you the difference living without it. They’ll tell you about depression, low-libido, anxiety those are all common, but many can tell you about strokes, deep-vein thrombosis and blood clots.

We need to push doctors to be very open about possible side effects and to be well educated BUT we also need to be more responsible about it ourselves. That’s the hard part. Look up the drug name and do the research about what you’re putting in your body and what it’s doing. Reddit, Facebook, hashtags on IG or Twitter will always have information and stories of people taking your the same medication. It’s common for concerns and symptoms to be gaslighted downplayed by your doctor – come in armed with information.

Don’t downplay your intuition. Listen to your body and your inner voice.

Let’s talk actionable steps. Where do I start? How do I learn about my cycle? How do I start charting?

Get a copy of The Fifth Vital Sign and Taking Charge of Your Fertility. Even if you’re not wanting to use FAM as birth control, both of these books are easy reads and IMPORTANT reading for anyone with a vagina!
Listen to Fertility Friday Podcast.
Start getting educated and gathering information before quitting your birth control. Don’t feel like you have to do everything at once.
Start observing your cervical mucus when you go to the bathroom – it’s as simple as mentally noting what your discharge looks like each time you wipe.

The important take-away is that it does work and you can use fertility awareness. It isn’t for everybody, and may not be right for every stage of life AND THAT IS OK. That’s why conversations like this are so important – we need to know what all of the options are and what is going to work best in each season.

When you’re learning to chart and you want to use an app, turn off all the “predictor” settings. Do everything manually so that you’re listening to your body and not being influenced by what the app thinks (it’s still learning your cycle too).

It’s important to keep educating yourself and keep learning so you can get to a point where you trust your body. You can do this – thousands upon thousands have done this before you. Fertility Awareness is one of the few methods of birth control that has zero side effects, but it is 100% dependent on you. If your interest is peaked, you CAN DO IT!

Lisa, how do you like to manage your period?

Meluna Cup. She’s been using menstrual cups for 20 years and this is her current favorite.

Lisa can be found:

Fertility Friday Podcast

The Fifth Vital Sign

Fertility Awareness Mastery Charting Workbook: A Companion to The Fifth Vital Sign

Fertility Friday Freebies Page

And thank you again to our sponsor Thinx! Click here to get $10 OFF your Thinx purchase!

THE VAGINA BLOG PODCAST EPISODE 1: Orgasms, Libido and Becoming Your Own Sex Expert with Kristin B. Hodson

PODCAST

Kristin Hodson is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist. She is Founder and Executive Director of The Healing Group mental health clinic in Salt Lake City and Co-Author of the book Real Intimacy: A Couples Guide for Genuine, Healthy Sexuality (Cedar Fort 2011). Additionally she works as an adjunct professor teaching human sexuality to master level students working to become Social Workers and founded the Rocky Mountain Sex Summit in an effort to increase sexual health competency in mental health professionals.

She has a unique ability to break down the topics of sexuality into easily digestible pieces empowering people to further develop their sexual identity, hone their sexual values, improve their communication around sexuality all with the intention to improve people’s relationships with themselves and others.

One of the biggest questions I get asked at The Vagina Blog is about orgasms, especially how to have one if you never have or used to but can’t anymore.

Kristin recommends:

Educating yourself in YOUR body. Become your own expert.
Know your anatomy.
Take what’s helpful (from books, advice, etc) and discard the rest.
Understand that you can’t rely on your partner to know your body better than you do.
Removing the pressure and making pleasure instead of orgasm the goal.

Books she recommends:

Kristin gives the most perfect analogy about picking your nose. We all grew up being told we shouldn’t pick our nose, but we all did! If you grew up never touching your own nose and having no knowledge about it and then expecting your partner to know how to do it, how successful would they be? How ridiculous is it to expect our partner to know how to better pick our nose than ourselves? The same can be said for our sexual arousal!

Should we ever fake orgasms? NO.

Talking to your partner about sex is a skill you have to develop. The time you don’t want to do that is during sex!

If you were a vegan and your partner wanted to go to a steakhouse, would you go? Would you go with them, eat a big steak and pretend to be happy? NO! The same can be said for what you do and do not enjoy sexually. If you need a restaurant that has more menu options, speak up and tell your partner!

Vegans don’t fake loving meat and you shouldn’t fake orgasms!

Addressing those that used to have orgasms, but can’t since a life change:

Are you taking medications? Almost all medications have sexual side effects, be sure to look into it and see if any you are taking could be affecting you sexually.
What are your stress levels like?
Have you suffered a physical trauma or injury? After birth especially, pelvic floor muscles can be damaged.
What other changes are impacting your overall health?

Doing a full medical rule-out can help direct you where you need to get help and is the first thing a sex therapist will do.

So how do I fix my libido if if feels broken? Or if it feels like it’s waning?

Sex is the symptom of a waning libido.

Medical rule-out is the first thing to do. You can’t have poor physical health and expect to have a healthy sex life.
For people around 35, they’re at the beginning of perimenopause. That’s a 15 year window of experiencing menopausal symptoms.
What does your partnership look like? Is there an unequal weight in the relationship making sex a chore?
Understand the difference between responsive and spontaneous desire (libido)

In the book Come As You Are, Emily Nagoski covers the difference between responsive and spontaneous desire. Typically women experience responsive desire instead of spontaneous.

While it can sound cheesy to say that sex begins in the kitchen, sharing domestic responsibilites can have a big impact on your sex life! Removing that anxiety about getting the house put back together or organizing can lead to easier arousal.

Partnership improves sexual desire and satisfaction. And it’s not like “I did the dishes, you owe me sex” it’s an overall change in partnership and approach and understanding that there’s always something on the mind and if we can make space for wanting or being open to sex, then we probably will.

Have open lines of communication about your sex life and partnership is essential. Sometimes transitioning from mom-mode or work-mode to partner-mode is hard and it’s ok to say, “I just can’t get my mind around having sex right now, but maybe later today or tomorrow I can.” If those lines of communication are open it’s much easier to communicate this and follow through. And sometimes switching out of mom-mode is as simple as brushing your teeth and changing out of sweats to feel like a sexual human again.

For those that feel like they’ve never had a libido and would like to develop their sexual selves, what would you recommend to them?

As a puritan-roots, abstinence-only education country and culture we often create a lot of shame around sex in our minds. Going back through our sexual history (Where did I learn about sex? What was I taught? What attitudes did I learn?) can offer huge insights to who we are sexually today. Even if that history is that you were never taught anything at all and it wasn’t talked about in your home. (What were the messages and how did you interpret sex not being talked about in your home? What was that like? What did you do with your questions? How do you know about sex?)

If you’re entire identity for the first 20+ years of your life is being “pure” or “chaste” and you associate that with not having sex, being in a sexual relationship and developing your sexuality and libido means shedding that previous identity. You were developing as a sexual being and this is how you developed, so now we have to go back and unpack that, and explore that to start rebuilding.

Unfortunately there’s not a quick fix or “3 Tips and Tricks” to develop a libido if you’ve never had one. It takes some other work.

Instead of saying “fix it” let’s pause and be curious about it and what got you to this point.

You are not broken. This isn’t something to fix. It’s something to wonder and be curious about. Decide: I’m going to claim my desire, starting at the beginning. That might be what finding your desire looks like.

IF you want to work with a sex therapist, do your research and find out what their training is. Not all sex therapists are created equal

So Kristin, what period products do you use?

Favorite, hands down, is the menstrual cup. And I love Thinx undies as well. What I really love is that we have so many choices!

Kristin, where can we find you?

My instagram is where I help parents, people and partners to become the sex experts in their life. That’s where you’ll find the most information. Or you can go to my website, kristinbhodson.com.

NEWSLETTER

BROWSE BY TOPIC

BLOG

THE VAGINA BLOG PODCAST EPISODE 10: Intimate Portraits and Removing Barriers with Jen Fairchild

This week podcast episode was sponsored by Thinx BTWN. Click on this link to get $10 OFF your first pair of period panties!

THE VAGINA BLOG PODCAST EPISODE 9: What a Good Bra Can Do For You with Courtney Killpack

THE VAGINA BLOG PODCAST EPISODE 8: Recurring Bacterial Vaginosis and What You Can Do About It with Natasha Semago

THE VAGINA BLOG PODCAST EPISODE 7: Meditation, Mindfulness and Living Your Best Life with Megan Teerlink

THIS WEEKS PODCAST EPISODE SPONSOR: GOOD CLEAN LOVE. Use code ROMANCE2020 to get their romance kit for only $10 and FREE SHIPPING!

THE VAGINA BLOG PODCAST EPISODE 6: Using Pleasure to Heal Trauma with Nicole Syverson

THIS WEEKS PODCAST EPISODE SPONSOR: GOOD CLEAN LOVE. Use code ROMANCE2020 to get their romance kit for only $10 and FREE SHIPPING!

THE VAGINA BLOG PODCAST EPISODE 5: Boudoir and Loving Your Body with Lyndi Benson

THE VAGINA BLOG PODCAST EPISODE 4: All About the Pelvic Floor with Tara Thompson

Instead of a sponsor this week and in honor of Tara (who’s Australian), I’m encouraging all my podcast listeners to donate to one of the following charities:

THE VAGINA BLOG PODCAST EPISODE 3: Inclusivity, Birth, and Learning How to Better Love and Support Each Other with Beth Hardy

THE VAGINA BLOG PODCAST EPISODE 2: CHARTING, INFORMED CONSENT, AND LISTENING TO YOUR INTUITION with Lisa Hendrickson-Jack

Click Here to get $10 OFF your Thinx purchase!

And thank you again to our sponsor Thinx! Click here to get $10 OFF your Thinx purchase!

THE VAGINA BLOG PODCAST EPISODE 1: Orgasms, Libido and Becoming Your Own Sex Expert with Kristin B. Hodson

FOLLOW ON INSTAGRAM

INFO

LET’S CONNECT